Complacency? or Battling with a plastic spork? Loss of focus?

Life is in this discombobulated blur.  It kind of reminds me of when my glasses get dirty and I can't read any signs ahead of me on the road. 

I think I have currently decided that I am complacent in my spiritual life.  The spiritual necessity hungers from my soul, but it tires me so much to attempt to be more like Jesus.  I know it sounds so wrong.  Yet, I know what I have to do, yet I don't do it. 

So to segue into the next topic:  Lack of Jesus = Spiritually battling with a plastic spork. It's been a tough road this summer up til recently.  My spork has lost it's strength and resilience.  I can only hope and pray that through refocusing on my life, and what I need to get done (studying, working, paying bills, finishing assignments on time, or simply cleaning my apartment).  I need to stop worrying about people and then focus on why I'm here. 

J.P. was right.  She reminded me that I worked really hard to get in and I should realign myself to get back on track or glorify God and His will for me through studying.  Please pray that I would be diligent, motivated, and dependent on God during this trying time in my life, especially when I failed my 4 exams this semester. 

I hope all of you are steadfast and fighting through this tough spiritual season of strife, grief, and stress.  May God encourage you all to keep fighting the fight and keep your eyes on the prize.  :)

Conflict

Who actually likes it?  No one does.  But how does it occur?  Well, it occurs because of incongruency in people, countries, or relationships in general.  How does one deal with it and solve it?  Deal with it straight on.  I have never been so confronted with issues in one night.  It boggles me to think that I could just deal with it on my own and not pray about it..  Yes, bitterness in always inevitable in my current emotional state, but can it be changed?

According to someone who I've been in conflict with in recent months, says I can be changed.  Through God, of course I can be changed.  Not overnight of course, unless God is willing to do so.   Yeah, that verse/psalm rings in my head. (I had to look this up...though "downcast" popped up)...Psalm 42.  '...put hope in God..."  I have never felt so convicted or my felt my soul feel so heavy in a long time...as if the Spirit was trying to move heavily through me, just like that time when I first accepted Christ.  It's like a wake up call, to not be "downcast"/depressed but to be thankful and be happy for what has given me so far and what He will give me in the future.  His grace is enough, but I vie for more of God, but I haven't done much about that either.  I've been a horrible witness, I haven't lived according to the Word, I've started to swear recently which is really out of the ordinary.  I drink, I stumble, I say or do things that are debaucherous.  What has become of me?  The body I relied on so heavily at UIC is so far away and I depended on that so much.

What can I do now? Live each day according to the Word to the best of my ability.  I gotta live Galations 5:22-23 and display those fruits of the Spirit.  I've been told that I need to work on these things, love, self control and I know it's God speaking through them. 

1) Forgive and love.  No harsh joking, speak words of love and Truth.

2) Learn to be in total self-control of my emotions.  Don't give in to what Satan wants you to do.  Listen to God,  "...acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight."  (Proverbs 3.6)

3) Patience, and yes including on the road or in the pharmacy...

4) Repent and ask for grace.  For grace is the means of joy. 

5) God has sent me on this path for a reason.  Follow through....Romans 8:34-38? ( And God works for the good of all people..."

Benson, it's time to adhere to God's calling.  Wake up.  God is here, and He loves you.  Live for God and not for your own selfish reasons.  Grow, mature spiritually and emotionally.  It's time to change.  Pray and let God do His work.  Amen.

Michael Jackson's Death, is it a big deal?

I can't deny the fact that when anyone dies, it's a sad occurence.  But what makes his death greater than others than his contribution to "Pop" music?  Shouldn't we have more sympathy over those who die every day who have nothing (no food, clothing, money, etc.)???  I don't like it when people glamorize celebrity deaths as it's a "great" tragedy of our time.  Yes, it's a tragedy, but everyone dies, it's a part of life.  People are dying everywhere around us, and most of us tend to just live our own lives ignorant or oblivious of the world around us. 

I think it's more sad that most of the world tends to focus on the famous and rich, because I think that what most people aspire to be.  But that tends to distract us from the real issues of the world - disease, hunger, genocide, even death.  I don't think that people should be making such a huge deal out of his death.  

Jesus died for us!! It is the greatest and most worthy-noted death of all of time, shouldn't the world acknowledge that at least?  He died for the forgiveness of our sins, how great is that!!?  Yet how often does the world and even Christians tend to forget that?  Pretty often. 

My prayers go out to the Jackson Family, as well as with any other family anywhere in the world that is in the mourning process. 

Bittersweet

There are some nights that I'm glad to have friends that are there for me...and tonight I felt alone.  I don't know why and I don't know how to explain it.  Maybe it's the whole third wheel thing, but I don't think that's directly the problem.  Maybe it's cause I don't see them as often as I used to, or talk to them as much, or something.  I just feel like something in the friendship is missing, or am I just expecting something more than I should?  I want to feel accepted, but something made me feel kinda distant tonight.  Maybe it's cause I miss home way too much to feel like I don't belong here.  I had filipino food from a filipino store about 20 minutes away, and it was fairly good, well the dinuguan wasn't great but the pancit palabok was good, and the ensaymada was even good. 

Nashville's a great city to visit, but to live here has some nice perks, especially if you like not having to shovel snow during winter.  But most of my friends and family are back in Chicago, and I think that's where I need to go when I graduate.  God grant me peace in my heart while I try to adjust to life in Nashville..."alone".

Suspicious people on the block in DG